Saturday, December 11, 2010

The simplest of things...can make the hardest of days.

Ahh. Life is truly going well. TRULY. :) Just know that sometimes my blog is a venting board :)

My frustrations these last few days have been the lying and the peeing. Yah. Don't you wish you were me? Mr. Duka does not quite seem to get it that lying just will not work. Especially when Mama or Daddy saw what *really* happened. Sigh...

Then the pee'ing. While the night peeing seems under control..the daytime peeing in the definitely worsening. We've noticed lately that Chazano well...he's been getting away with a LOT. We are now finding out that if it weren't for us RIGHT there when he undresses for a bath/shower...he would be able to sneak his clothes into the hamper...soaking wet. This is happening at least 1x a week with him now and I have a hard time believing it's a new trend. Which means...he's been hiding it pretty well. No more.

Last night we had a Christmas party with our Bible Study group. Kids all had nice new clothes on and the twins were looking pretty cute. All was well until at bedtime I started unbuttoning Duka's shirt and he head-butted me (nice) in an all out speedy effort to pull down his pants at the same time. That was my redflag. Um...why the rush? His pants were drenched. Chazano is standing behind him watching us with a rather nervous look on his face. I turn to him and say "Chazano did you pee your pants?" him: "yes" me: "when?" him " when I was playing at the people's house" yes.Hours ago. They don't tell anyone. They just pee and sit in it. AHHHHHH. Both of them were drenched. And...while I was brushing their teeth decided they needed a shower b/c they stunk of pee.


Yes I know they have attachement issues...but I'm not going to lie. That is not fun. We have 3 bio children younger than them that have zero accidents. Azahria isn't even peeing in her pants. And yes it admittedly gets less exciting the older the child is.


Good news. We are healthy. Very healthy. And truly doing well. We had a family over last week with 5 kids. A homeschooling family (um...not all homeschooling families are alike). I was crying by the end of the night because of how horrifically bad their kids were and rude and talking non stop about their video games of blowing people's heads off. Oh no problem. Then telling our children how very baby'ish their toys were and that cool kids play shooting video games. Oh. Ok. By the end of the night the peeing in the pants and lying issues seemed totally fantastic in comparison to five really bad attitudes!!

With zero pride that night I was on my knees thanking God for the wisdom to raise children with grateful hearts, cheerful attitudes and just plain pleasant to be around.

Oh.. and tonight I'll say a prayer that I didn't kill yet another Christmas tree! Seriously! IT was doing FANTASTIC and I think I just missed watering it by a tad and now it does not seem to be drinking the water anymore. HONESTLY! ugh.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

It's looking Christmassy around here!

Today after church we were driving to go look for a tree and Zion said "Daddy...I want to go down to the wiver" ;) We told him the river was quite cold...meaning...the air too. He said "oh no...I don't want to SWIM in it, just go LOOK at it". Why not. You know...we are still young enough to remember being kids and thinking "why couldn't we do that....?" :) So we drove down to the river, opened the doors and let the fab 6 run free. Well...with some boundaries. Stay on the path and go to the bench swing. What fun they had. We sat chatting in the suburban watching them all laugh and play and knowing some super fun memories were made...with very little effort on our part. They pushed each other in the swing and Zion leading the way, showed them how you could run and jump back onto the swing ;) No injuries, all laughs. The girls came back after 15 minutes or so and Azahria wanted "hugs" and Tirzah wanted "to be with Azahria Peace" :) I love our family. Ahhhh so we called the crew back in and away we went. We found some deco at Big Lots...including a 6' tree for the play room...that will look pretty in the middle window from the outside. We bought tons of lights for inside, lit garland for the stair railing, and lots of ornaments. The kids were so excited. Dean went to pay with Chazano and Zion (it's a random taking turns event) and I took the 4 others to go to the car but ... Starbucks was RIGHT there...and I do have this $25 giftcard...(like $11 left actually;) burning a hole in my pocket...and yah. We went in and everyone oogled and googled over our kids. So funny. They are thinking "oh so sweet, pregnant mama and her 3 bio and one clearly adopted child!" I just smile. Yah. There's 2 more with Daddy :) Anyway it got us free samples of gingerbread in Starbucks (never had a sample there before) and Mama got the fabulous Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate (yes...worth paying Starbucks pricing for a hot chocolate on this one!).

We met Daddy and 2 at the suburban and stopped at a Christmas tree sale to see 100% of proceeds went the local Firefirghters (yah we're all about supporting a charity!). So there we got our tree. I have to say...some nervousness since the last 4 years I've managed to KILL a real christmas tree...long before Christmas...but Dean assures me he'll keep this one alive!

So there you have it...we came home and while I was unbuckling Azahria and Azlan in their 5 point harness carseats...apparantly Zunduka pressed the button from the back row to flip the middle seat that I was leaning over...up. There are big rules about this...actually just NOT push that button til the entire middle row is empty. It flips up hard and fast. And it's always Zion's job. I've just never showed the twins yet but they still always hear me say "wait til the middle row is empty". Well this hit me like a bomb. Seriously...I yelped and while seeing in black and white, hobbled inside and slouched in the office in heart wrenching sobs. My earring was on the driving, my glasses were jammed into the side of my head.... but you know...I'm real enough to know that if I ever cry because of's really nothing to do with the pain. It was a good excuse to cry. I knew it. So did Dean. Neither of us said anything. He sweetly came in and held me and told me how sorry he was. I stumbled upstairs curling into a fetal position on our couch in our bedroom. I knew I had deeper pain that needed to be dealt with. Feelings of pressure and being overwhelmed, in a few areas. Dean's construction business hanging on by a thread (thank you God for our other business that pays all our household bills and expenses every month)...and the construction business debts that if we hadn't lost that HUGE job in the early fall...would have been 100% cleared before going into winter :(. Ahhh. It was a good cry. A cry that reminded me of hunching in a Zambian hotel in the bathroom with a pillow or towel (forget) shoved into my mouth to muffle the sounds...after losing our precious baby. It was healing. Dean came up and when I told him he said "I knew the cry was much deeper, you don't cry over pain". My ear was beat red and my glasses still hurt behind my did hurt...but not enough for me to cry over. I came downstairs to see a nervous Zunduka saying he was sorry. ;)

We made lunch for the kids...yah...I'm not good at this Sunday lunch thing. Member those days when every Sunday you came home from church to a turkey dinner or roast on the table...? I can pull it off any night of the week but Sunday?? It's not my thing. It needs to become my thing b/c I find myself feeling dread thinking of what to make even though our church is at 9am and we are home by 11. For the first time in 7 months ... I took a nap. read that right. I do not nap. And yes...I'm pregnant with our 7th child. That's a true testament to the nutrition I supplement with that has transformed my energy level since February. I napped I think...b/c I had exhausted myself with this heartwrenching sob. Once I peaked open my eyes, not quite asleep, I saw a sweet Azahria Peace sitting beside me quietly reading books. Have I mentioned that I love my family?

When I woke, Dean was standing beside me saying "we have a surprise for you, the kids are all waiting..." so I went downstairs to see the tree was up and all lit and the kids were BEAMING! So we put all the ornaments up. Yes in a painful style...each child, one at a time...every 3rd one crashing to the ground. ;) Then Dean put up the garland on the stairs. I fed the kids dinner and the kids and I went upstairs to the playroom. We finished putting the ornaments on the kids' tree in the playroom and then went through the playroom with "goodwill" bags. It's tradition you know...we do this before Christmas (and a few times in between) every year! It makes room for new toys and I show them how all the toy bins are full so we can either just stick with what we have....or....we can go through and see what we don't play with anymore and give it to a place that will help other children play with them. They get excited and we filled 2 bags. Where does this stuff come from?? Good question. Most of it seems from their "dollar store" shopping or Tirzah's favorite "grabber game" toys...either's on it's way out of here ;) The play room is spic n span and while Daddy and Zion ran out to Pizza Hut I put the 5 others in bed. Zion came home and hopped in as well. Silence. 8:00pm. A pizza for Dean and I. A fully decorated (minus the outside) house. Sweet.

This was our day. It was pretty wonderful and despite walking into the bathroom to brush the kids' teeth and it smelling like an outhouse (yes I'm pregnant and yes my smelling is multi-magnified...but it stunk) and seeing wet grout on the floor. Ahhh. Thankfully Dean came in and talked straight to Duka and said we are serious about this and there is ZERO reason for him to be missing the potty (especially since they SIT!) and peeing on the floor. It's nasty. I scrub our bathrooms more than 90% of families, I guarantee it. Ugh. Anyway...a good day. A good night. To all.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Why am I running from this post?

I am. I keep thinking it's time to do an update and ... it doesn't excite me. Fabulous, right? Ok, well here I am.

Let's see. Life has been so crazy. Nevermind, that's nothing new. ;)

A few weeks ago after Dean hearing me say ( joke for the first time since Tirzah was born)...that I really need a break...he planned a get-away, complete with sitters...for the 2 of us to Portland. We went on the train, stayed downtown Portland for one night and 2 days and had so much fun. Really just loved it. And I loved that he didn't need a reason. And...I love him.

We came home to snow and to elated kids. was snowing. Tirzah especially. So normally you make this quick trip to Walmart for winter boots for your one or two sweet kids and all set right? Yah. Well try doing that for 6! ahhhh!
We even managed to snag the last 2 sleds in Target and take the kids up and down the street which they just loved.

Then last week Dean's cousin Shani's husband passed away. We decided pretty last minute to leave on Thanksgiving day and drive 6 hours to Kelowna, BC for the funeral. It was one of those trips that we were so glad we took. I think it's pretty rare to be in someone's presence ... that leaves you with chills b/c you know you are the presence of someone truly great. Well this was unique. We were at someone's funeral...and you left feeling blessed to have been able to mourn the loss and honor someone...truly great. I cannot say it better than that. As Dave himself said "we will know exactly how we should have lived...5 minutes after we die". While his family mourns...Dave is no longer bound to his wheelchair in a failing, yet youthful, body. He is free. And oh if we all could only stand so such intense trials.

We have been home to freezing temps for a week. We decided to "do thanksgiving" when we got home and you know...I had a horrible moment of 'dread' of celebrating another holiday...solo. We all talked about the many things we are thankful for and had a nice evening together.

Tirzah now has 4 adult teeth in. She had her first dentist appointment a few weeks ago and LOVED it. Hmmm. I was nervous today when she had to have one tiny microscopic cavity filled and she hardly flinched for the needle! She is reading and loves being the big sister that can read to the other kids. :) I daily hear her hug Azahria and say how much she adores her.

Zion ...that child just melts me. He has this total giving, serving heart. He sets the table every night and wants to load the dishwasher every night. He is the first to hug and the one to want a special one on one moment late at night as they are all tucked in. He adores his middle name and thinks God will make him indeed strong and brave and courageous because...well...if your middle name is's a good thing;) No one, NO ONE can interpret Azlan like Zion. He has mama beat and that's pretty good! He would rather play with Tirzah than any of the boys any day and often tells me how much he misses all the Zion-Tirzah days. When he prays sometimes before dinner he'll often pray that "we will obey mama and daddy and do the right thing" and we can't help but open our eyes and smile at each other!

Azlan ~ well he's my boy. Yes I have four of them. God opened up a new chamber in my heart when Azlan was born~~and He knew there would be days I would need that extra chamber. I adore him and I pray often for the patience to help my boy. His drooling is back. Full force. But I'm working with him a lot. We pulled him out of speech therapy because well....30 minutes of bubbles and board games is...NOT...speech therapy. And everything they do with him...I sit in disbelief as we do that daily. So we made the decision to concentrate our efforts on one on one time with him, him and mama. He plays lots with the twins and loves all things train, blocks, etc.

Azahria Peace ~ she's a special little girl. She's adorable, simply put. She gets many random squeezes from both of us throughout the day b/c ... well she's just so darn cute. And sweet. And ... she not only looks like Zion..she has his heart. She loves to serve. She and Zion are our helpers (by choice..the others...they have to help too ;). The other night I was putting her to bed and after singing the song of her choice to her she looked at me and said "mama?'re the best". I came downstairs beaming and Dean says "of course she says that, you say that to her all the time". I seriously did not know that I do. Funny. She loves playing with PEOPLE. "little people" and we often hear her playing with Azlan saying "by your ginny-ginn-ginn...I'll huff and i'll puff...and i'll blow!" and I laugh so hard I remind myself of Dean's mom with tears streaming down my cheeks. And then I go squeeze her. And ... likely say "you're the best" ;)

Chazano ~ seems to be doing really well. I would say the biggest struggle we are having with Chazano is the inability to connect. He has this huge insecurity and fear and would rather be goofy than look you in the eye. In fact if you ask him to look at you...he zones out and looks past you. Even in a nice, huggy moment. So instead he acts silly. ALL. THE. TIME. It's something we need to work with him's great he's silly...but it's another thing to learn when it's appropriate. I find the 'twinness" isn't so strong anymore. They will go play with the bio kids and be separate without looking for each other for hours. He has his first dentist appointment next week and my guess is 3 cavities. :)

Zunduka ~ ahhhh. Zunduka. The child that stretches me more than any other. :) Well lets talk good news. Good news is this is the second night he's in his bed. Like for real, bed! It's a trial and he still can only have a sheet on top b/c we've found that when he's too cozy he becomes lazy and pees in his bed. On the way home from BC ... 3 time...yes....3. In a row. He said "daddy...I have to go potty" to which our normal response driving down the freeway is...'ok, hold on a few more minutes' for us to find a safe stop. No. Dean immediately pulls over after looking back and seeing him crying. He's peed his pants. So in other words, he said he had to go potty AS he was peeing. Fantastic. Ok. Took care of that. Not a few hours later, SAME EXACT incident. And then repeat again. Not ok. This is something we find with him ... we cannot slip up once or he runs with it. The first time we were really light on him and I said to Dean "i'm concerned he'll do it again, it's his pattern if you go easy on him". And .... he did. Ok we only went away for 2 nights and had limited clothes and he was quickly going through what little we had ... was none too exciting adding yet another stinky outfit to the back of the vehicle and mopping up our seat.
The other thing that is a real struggle is obedience. Now having said that...we don't practice telling our children something once, twice, three times until we lose our cool. We tell them once. Obedience is immediate. Makes for an awesome relaxed family :) Well we have learned to 'spy' on them and it is always Duka that is disobeying. Silently. But disobeying. And he moves at lightning speed and if he hears the floor so much as creak he gets back into position and you try not to second guess what you just saw. Example: last night they get a bath. After the bath I dry off Azlan, Duka, Zano and Zion and Duka ends up being the first one lotioned up and ready to go his room. He is the ONLY one that did not bring jammies to the bathroom so I could get them dressed quickly. They were all told to. Then I said "go into your room, get clean gotchies and jammies and get them on quickly". Ok I help Zano, Zion and Azlan all get ready then go to the other bathroom and dry off the girls and get AP dress and lotion up Tirzah. I get to the boys room to tuck them in and who is standing in the middle of the floor...totally naked...why yes that would be Zunduka. Ahhh. So I ask 'what did Mama tell you to do?' he looks at me and says "get jammies and gotchies on quickly" I said "ok so did you obey or disobey" he looks at me blankly and says "disobeyed". fantastic. There you go. That is one example of many. But in many other instances soon as I would enter the room he'd be running to the drawer looking for clothes. He too has a dentist appt next week and has 3 very brown molars in his mouth and definitely the most horrible breath of the two of them (which I'm told is decay by the dentist) and ... welll....I'll pray for the best.

My day still consists of much surrender. Other days...consist of me running from the much-needed surrender. Those days are much harder. There have been many soft sweet whispers from God on a dark day..and I'm constantly reminded that this is simply not about me. It never was. It's not. It never will be. And suddenly my eyes get in the right spot and things become so much clearer. There you have it. My long - longed for update ;)