There is much conversation floating around between here and Africa with many mentions of 3-4 to maybe 5 wks of a process ahead. I am once again asking for people to come forward and storm for a miracle. I simply go into a spin of emotions of the thought of being gone for 4 wks. Please stand with us and commit to praying that I will be able to come home WITH C and Z at about the 2 week mark. Please, again, let us know if you are willing to join us in praying. Don't forget the power of the last time we did this! :)
Next....contrary to what many of you think about me...I am not 'a rock' at all times :) I constantly have to fight with controlling emotions and surrendering anxious thoughts. Throughout the adoption process that was not much of a struggle for me ... aside from my trip in January. Today I fell apart. I don't recall being so emotionally torn in extreme directions all at the same time.
-I am pregnant. And have serious signs of a threatened miscarriage. But three back to back to back ultrasounds in 4 days have shown us a heartrate of 103, 110 and 132 respectively giving us hope beyond belief. I still have all the same signs and symptoms that would have you running to the ER. It is difficult to keep the faith here. I have prayed and prayed and asked God for signs and every time He has gone above and beyond what I have asked re: this baby...yet my faith still wavers. How sad. Emotionally---thats a struggle.
-I am again leaving my family. I thought having done it once ... it would be easier second time around. It's not. It's harder because I remember how difficult it was the first time :( Every time I look at the children I feel like I am consciously taking mental pictures of the moments so I don't forget. Every expression. Every smile. Every voice. Every touch.
-There is a lot of our trip up in the air. Financially...a lot. Expenses are coming every day that were not known or anticipated. We were told to bring an additional $3000 usd for extra court fees and social worker fees. We also were told US visas are approx $500 usd for each child. Yes that is $4000 above and beyond what was anticipated and yes it is a conscious choice to surrender the concern and give it completely to the One who has provided every step so far.
-We just received a call from Tanis. She was suggesting I land in Lusaka and take a mission flight alone to Solwezi to save her the drive. That would be an additional $975 usd and is so far out of my comfort zone...you have simply no idea. As soon as she mentioned it...every contrasting emotion from this past wk came together into one heartwrenching sob. That didn't stop for 10 minutes. (I actually edited this post since hearing more that this was simply regarding saving Tanis and children the trip to and from Lusaka from Solwezi which is 6 hours each way...12 hrs total. )
Ah. Peace. Come to me.
If your prayer list is short over the next 2 wks, please write some of these issues down and