Last night was a bit rough. Every part of me went to bed crying but no tears ever came. I went to sleep dreaming of my family back home.
Sunrise seems to bring new hope. A new day, and we start it ready to go. After the boys had breakfast and we packed up we headed into town. We were told to meet with the head of Social Welfare at 11am so we had some time to waste. We headed to the mall area and ordered a hot mocha and dessert. Yes it was breakfast. And every mouthful was savored. Almost a taste of home. Chazano was a bit difficult--he definitely has attitude. He makes this funny face and closes his eyes but doesn't quite realize that he doesn't disappear. A little shake of the shoulders, an order to sit up straight and he's back to the real world and is told to obey. Tanis and I shake our heads knowing the challenges that lay ahead :) I'm up for them. When we get home.
We headed to the Social Welfare office. Tanis decided to stay in the car with a sleeping Mika. The three of us headed in and I was not that pleased to see our lady was 'in a meeting'. Her secretary told me to sit and wait. I sat for 20 minutes then said I couldn't just sit there in a tiny office with two little boys indefinitely and asked if she could remind the lady of her 11:00 appt that she was now 40 minutes late for. She texted her and got a reply that she would be out in 17 minutes. Ok we'd wait.
When she came in she said she had my letter typed up but that there was a problem. She was nice but the news was not good. She needed another document from Solwezi Social Welfare. She said going forward without it was putting her job on the line. I was in tears. She said 'its no big deal...head back to Solwezi and in a week or two we will be ready to proceed'. I stopped her and helped her enter in. As soon as I mentioned my husband and four young children back home and how every day we were doing all we could to move closer to going home...I cried and she started to think. Also a problem, Mr Chrissy himself is in Lusaka as we speak...so he wouldn't even be in Solwezi to get us the appropriate documents til next wk, just delaying us even further. Then it hit me. I called Chrissy and asked if he would have an assistant have the document ready if Gideon came by. I then called Gideon (who leaves early tomorrow on a bus for Lusaka) and asked one final request. Poor man. I'm indebted to him. He just says "you are my sister, no problem". :) Gideon went to his office and got what we need and he should arrive tomorrow at 4pm. Chrissy then called us and said the head of Social Welfare is willing to meet us tomorrow to stamp and approve such document and to give us her approval letter. Tomorrow IS Saturday so we will bring her a small gift to show her our appreciation. Why go through all the effort to have this done by Saturday instead of just waiting til Monday? Because then our hope is to have everything ready to start bright and early at the Birth Registar Monday morning with Tanis' Zambian friend who has contacts and should be able to get us in the right place. ahhhh.
Again it is so odd how when I tell Dean about our day...I see the progress. But hours of running, sweating, praying, crying, hoping, and feeling like you are losing ground instead of gaining...leaves me feeling without hope at the end of a long day. Ahhh if only it weren't Friday evening. We drove to the flight house where we will be staying for a few days...likely now till we are done. It is very nice here. Very 'westernized' which is good for me. I don't feel quite so far away. We are paying $70 a night here plus our meals. Comparitively that is extremely low priced to our other options. We had to run to the mall for a while to pick up another missionary's son --- he ended up being delayed and so...we were too. All was good--and we made it back for dinner.
The highlight of my day is definitely 5-6pm when I can speak to Dean on the phone. I think I cry everytime. Ahhh. Will I soon look back at this journey and smile?
The good news tonight is that the emotion is less regarding the loss of our baby. The hormones are fading and I am grateful. Sadness..yes. Complete emptiness...no. Hope...yes.
I had my iPhone charged today so we were able to listen to some different songs as we drove around. Tenth Avenue North's "hold my heart" is for me. It's mine. I was meeting with a friend at Applebees a bit ago and as I went to get out of the car, this song came on. I stopped and listened and pray it was not for me. Oh ... it was. But in the end of it all...it's a good thing. It gives my heart hope. "Will the maker of the stars...hear the sound of my breaking heart....If You're everything You say You are...come close..and hold my heart". He is everything He says He is. And...He has my heart. "When my world is shaking...Heaven stands.When my heart is breaking...I never leave Your hand".
Tonight I'm asking that each of you that follow our story please bring us to God everytime we come to your mind. From our children, to our separation from each other (Dean and I) and from the kids and I...to every process speeding up. That God would prepare the hearts of those that have the decisions to make in getting us home. That where steps can be expedited, they will be.
Another thing to pray about... is that if this does drag out past next week that it may work out (Dean work-wise, child-care wise for our four children back home, and financially-wise) that Dean may fly here and we'll finish everything together and fly home together. I think my heart skips a beat at the thought...then I automatically feel sad about our children. ahh. This isn't the best position for a mom to be in. Beyond the obvious huge benefit of this idea....I did find out today that if he does NOT come then the twins need to be 'adopted by Dean in the US' and therefore would NOT be US citizens until that happened. I still don't know if that means they wouldn't be able to travel to Canada until that happened...since Tanis is only fostering Mika and will be able to travel with her...
To all of you that faithfully follow and pray...from the bottom of my heart...Thank You. Please keep storming Heaven.
Tirzah, Zion, Azlan and Azahria Peace--I think of you every day and pray for that sweet reunion to hurry. I can hardly wait. Hugs from your Mama.
Dean--I love you so much. Thank you for all you are doing back home.