Thursday, April 8, 2010

Day 4

After I wrote the update last night we were ready for bed. Once I had opened to the door to any emotions (earlier on the phone with Dean)...I could tell the flood gates had been opened. I got into bed and cried a deeper, more heart-wrenching cry than I remember crying in a very long time. I cried so hard, I shook silently (I was sharing a room with 4 other people...). I had a kleenex box on the floor by the bed and it was well used. I got up several times to soak my face in cold water. I remember crying long into the night. Crying with a deep grief of losing our child. Perhaps deeper than losing the other two children...because this was #3. It was emotion combined from all three losses. In those 7 wks--that child was ours. Mine. We had him/her named and I was anticipating every new beginning all over again. I remember getting up and looking in the mirror and begging "the Maker of the hear the sound of my broken heart" and I think He did...because I fell asleep.

This morning I was quickly reminded of my night when I looked in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and my face was swollen.
It was a new day. A day we had a lot planned and I started it praying. Praying for the right people to be put in front of us...with the right hearts to help us.

Our first stop was the US Embassy. Where in security we basically emptied all our earthly possessions as they seemed to react to everything we had. It was a bit funny as we are carrying around everything valuable in our bags...and anything valuable...simply did not pass security. Finally getting in we waited briefly. I was called into a private interview room where a very well spoken man asked for my ID and went to look up my file. I was soooo excited when he came back with a full file on me all from Yakima, WA USCIS office. You know...I guess I was just never sure it ever got to Lusaka! There it was with a large APPROVED stamp across the front of my I-600A. I asked what the steps were and we went from there. This trip this morning was HUGE absolutely HUGE because first of all it was not necessary. It was just a `lets check`step since we knew we didn`t have the documents ready to do anything we need to do at the Embassy yet. But when he looked over my file he asked where the bio father`s relinquishment letter was....yes I had asked Chrissy for this and he said I wouldn`t need it. Now I find out not only do I need it but I need an original copy. Great. I`m thinking how in the world are we going to get this from Solwezi (8 hours drive away)...then Tanis said òh Gideon is coming to Lusaka on Saturday!`` so I called Chrissy and told him to have the original document ready and then called Gideon and he went and got it immediately. Ahhhh. Chrissy is going out of town next week so it would have been quite sad to be sitting around simply waiting for him to return so we could proceed. It is $400 USD for each US Visa for the children and I got all the info for when we are ready to start. First things first...all starts with the birth certificate. sigh....

We went to the birth registery place...we did meet with the Principal Registrar herself who was smiling and the children so I was praying it was a good sign. I showed her my documents and said "we are told we need a new short form birth certificate and an adoption certificate". She looks up at me quickly and says "where are the rest of the papers?" I asked what she meants and she quickly gave me my documents back without even really seeing what I had and said "please get me the rest of the papers" and whisked me out. I said "please help me...where do I go?" she said "go next door to the Social Welfare Office" I said "right next door" and a lady sitting in the waiting room gave us directions it was blocks away!! I looked back and asked one more time "is there something specific I can tell them you are needing?" she said "they'll know. Go there and come back". I think my heart was somewhere near my knees (it didn't help that it started in a low spot this morning)...I walked out quiet. We both were. I was begging God for help.
We got to the Social Welfare office and were actually met by a smiling face. Unreal. She led us to a lady's office and said to see her. The receptionist said "she's in a meeting, please wait" Tanis asked how long. The lady shrugged. Seriously...good thing Tanis seems to know how Zambia works. Tanis said "what about if we come back after lunch" the lady said that was a good idea. Two hours later when we returned...the lady said "oh good timing, the meeting just finished!`Unbelievable.
During lunch we went to the mall...a mall where we had eaten at last time. We got lunch and across from our restaurant we saw a little photo store. I ran across and saw they did Zambian Passport photos and US Visa photos (good to know...didn`t know I needed photos for that!). So while waiting I took Chazano and Zunduka (feels good to finally write their names.!!) to get pics taken. It was difficult to say the least. The man was giving them sharp orders in kind English did no better. They simply had NO clue what we were saying. With big grins and `CHEESE`they posed. Won`t do for passport pics. Ugh. Try again. It did happen fairly quickly and I think I walked out with 2 very baffled little boys.
We headed back to Social Welfare office. The lady welcomed us in quickly and when she started talking it all came back to me. Wayyyy back. She is the one that first referred me to Mr. Chrissy Hiweele. Ahhh. I had `just happened upon`` her number via Google (no joke)....and she is the one who said Ì have to give the final approval of everything done in Solwezi but the process still all happens there with Chrissy`. So here we are...needing her final approval. She knew us, knew the case and was able to even bring up a file on us. Heaven was shining on our day. She said the full file was not accessible til after 2pm so she would look at it tonight and if it was all acceptable she would write a final letter of approval and have it ready for us at 11am tomorrow morning.
I guess that`s where our day kind of ended. On our way back to the lodge Tanis stopped at a little market. It was cute. And hot. and we of course being foreigners were mobbed with sales people. It was a nice gesture of Tanis as she knew I was having an emotional day...we shopped for a bit and were on our way.

Back at the lodge the boys went swimming. Tanis watched them while I talked to Dean on skype. 5pm my time ... 8am his time. :)
After that we ordered our dinner, ate it and came and put the boys to bed.
Here we are. Another day. When I type it out I see how much was accomplished but in the didn`t feel like it. My heart is so broken it hurts. Literally hurts. There are too many emotions and I`m torn. I miss my family more than I can describe. I feel like I might forget their faces, voices and all the things they do that makes my life normal. I close my eyes and just try to go back to Malaga Drive. I prayed and prayed for this day and its here and its harder than I imagined. There is no definite return date in sight and the thought..overwhelms me. Ahhh. Here...we are on a mission. We are driven to do whatever we can to get all these processes done as fast as we can. I`m dreading the weekend. I don`t want 2 days off. I know you all may be thinking àhh enjoy...relax`` and it is beautiful here. True. We are bring the boys home.
Just at the right time ...something comes to me. It`s soft and quiet and soothing and brings instant peace. We are driving home from the day...and I can hear the music playing...I can feel what I felt when I realized it was for me the first time....and all over again I`m brought to my knees....`though the world sees and soon forgets...we will not forget who You are and what You`ve done for us....` I really am overwhelmed here in this process. And then again...I remember...I`m not in control of it. God help us.

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